I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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