Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
