We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
two words: eviction party
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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