I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
