PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
