it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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