i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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