There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
