Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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