So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
