you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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