i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
