I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
