Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
