hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
