I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
