I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize