I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
