My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So vagazzling was a success
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