You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
