I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were destined to go to rehab together
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
