i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
