youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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