I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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