Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
