Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
