I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
