ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My vagina is officially offended.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
