i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
