Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
