In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
