he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
