im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
