Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
