you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
