3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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