I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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