I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize