Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
