My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
