Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
