She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
