he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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