Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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