Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
