I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
