Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
