I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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