sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
