Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
