I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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