I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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