oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
