you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
