This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
