She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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