I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
