So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Green mimosas i think yes
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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