I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
