Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
