wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
