One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
