At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Let's get the cat blown out
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