Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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