if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
