I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
