Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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