The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
