I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
