I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He shit in the fireplace
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
