So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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