Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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