I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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