Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
