separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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