And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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