I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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