After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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