Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
