i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
