somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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