: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
