Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
