how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
