fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
