it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
