I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
